Mouth Swabs and the Feline Chapel

How often do you ask yourself, Do I have what it takes to purchase beautiful art made from me or my pet's personal DNA sequence? Well ponder no more, or at least a little less because todays special sponsered link from Gmail happens to be a fancy little sight that goes by the ever proud little name of DNA Artistry and from what they claim, they know the art of science like Gunther Van Hagen knows the art of the long pause. Pet lovers, gods bless you, I can only wonder how you can continualy prove your unconditional love to those lesser forms of life, how you ceasley spare-change them the luxuries of a normal existence, the love and warmth of a medium sized suburban home, the food in a bowl, the litter boxes obstucting the path to the garage and your favorite magazine, maybe People, or Us of which you are trying to read for to them to lie upon. I may someday understand your obsession with accumulating a wealth of beasts who depend on you, in great numbers stare at you, in the afternoon lick you awake. I may find myself in a place where it is clear that a household of cats, and thier kittens, may provide some kind of clutter to fill the orchard of holes in that vast emptiness that is a soul, and I suspect that, time willing, I could find some understanding in living in a world of festering feline filth.
But I still have a bit of a problem with this DNA as art thing. First of all, how do I know that is my (or my cats) DNA?, As far as I know these guys (or gals) could be running some fancy alogrithym using G T A and what ever that other letter is (C?) to make random Art work that reminds me of Tetris with a directional blur. Whatever. And how do they determine what colour to make my painting (yes that was color from the olde english)? Pantene phenotype receptors? Listen DNA Artistry guys, my dog, Max, rest his soul, is fucking brown. Got that, Good because I dont want a Personal DNA sequenced piece of art if it doesen't match my dog-er couch. And if I do decide to make a personalized piece of art from my DNA sequence, I would prefer it to be in a landscape format. I forgot to tell you, I fancy myself a bit of a DNA artist myself but Marcel Duchamp already owns all that and a bandage from a head wound that looks like General George Washinton, IN BLOOD!